[GM]Dave Hello, Adventurer. Blah, blah, blah.

[GM]Dave Apparently, you do not appreciate your account.

Player No.

Player I love my character.

[GM]Dave Then why would you risk making such a GM call?

[GM]Dave Are you some sort of thrill junkie?

Player No. No, I'm not.

Player I just wanted to report a botter.

[GM]Dave And why do you think he's a bot?

Player Well, his casting is perfectly timed.

[GM]Dave That's your proof?

[GM]Dave Well, thanks for cracking that case for us, Grissom.

Player There is one other thing.

[GM]Dave What?

Player Wait for it.



And so I waited.



Except replace the word "waited" with "planned multiple means of humiliating the idiot who made this call".



Luckily for him, though, it appears that fate had other plans.



Botter script run ./fish



I didn't just see that. Noone could be that bad a programmer.



Botter script run ./fish



How do these people manage to stay alive long enough to piss me off? Shouldn't survival of the fittest have thinned the herd by now?



[GM]Dave Is that the botter?

Player Yeah.

Player I didn't say he was a good botter.

[GM]Dave Well, I've got some good news for you.

Player Is there a reward?

[GM]Dave Yes.

[GM]Dave Your character doesn't get killed and deleted.

Player ...

[GM]Dave You're welcome.



Now, as annoying as the false fish bot call is, I cannot express the pleasure one feels finding out a report is actually valid.



A nice fresh fish bot just waiting to be tortured.



Good times.



But first, I have to go through the basic protocol.



[GM]Dave Hello, Cheater.

[GM]Dave I understand you're functionally retarded.

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave A likely story.

[GM]Dave And why should I believe you?

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave You make a good argument.

[GM]Dave But have you considered the impacts of botting?

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave I take that as a no.

[GM]Dave Moronsayscriptrun./fish

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave Gotcha!

[GM]Dave I called you a moron.

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave What did you say about my mother?

[GM]Dave I assure you she's not a whore.

[GM]Dave Whores take money.

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave Insulting a GM is punishable by banning.

[GM]Dave If you accept this punishment say "script run ./fish"

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave Would you mind if I killed you severals times first?

[GM]Dave As a message to others?

[GM]Dave If you don't mind, say "script run ./fish"

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave Excellent.



At that point, I warped him immediately to Serpentking Square in Whitegate.



[GM]Dave Good people of Whitegate.

[GM]Dave I come here before you in the interest of justice.

[GM]Dave This player has been caught using botting software.

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave Quiet down, prisoner.

[GM]Dave You had your chance.

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave Begging won't save you now.

[GM]Dave In order to educate the player populace...

[GM]Dave We are introducing a new event.

[GM]Dave An event called "Beatdown the Botter."

Botter script run ./fish

[GM]Dave Yes, that's you.

[GM]Dave For the next hour, this botter will be fully targetable.

[GM]Dave And will also be auto-raised after each defeat.

Botter. script run ./fish

[GM]Dave I'm getting to that part.

[GM]Dave Did I mention players will receive Imperial Standing for each kill?



You could practically hear every character in the area turn and head our way.



I mean, the horde of Tarus that swarmed our feet brought back unpleasant memories of fighting the Flood in Halo.



[GM]Dave The event will begin when I say go.

Botter Sorry I was afk.

Botter Umm... where am I?

[GM]Dave GO!!!

Botter What are you guys...

Botter SWEETCHRISTNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!



It was unimaginable.



Death after death after death. The crowd was relentless.



Perhaps this was crossing the line.



Actually... I'm pretty sure handing out weapons was crossing the line.



Then, as the clock struck the hour, I set the Botter's account back to normal.



Well... normal minus 20 levels or so.



[GM]Dave I'm sorry. I didn't get your last message.

[GM]Dave I think it was "DEARLORDNOAAUUGGHH!"

Botter WTF?!!!

Botter You let them kill me!

[GM]Dave Technically, I also enabled them to kill you.

Botter WHY?!

[GM]Dave Well, you got caught fish botting.

Botter So you let them murder me?!

[GM]Dave I'm tough, but fair.

Botter I wasn't botting!

[GM]Dave Surrrrrrrrre you weren't.

[GM]Dave Then why were you fishing while afk?

Botter Uhhh... my son was playing my character.

Botter While I used the bathroom.

[GM]Dave For forty-five minutes?

Botter I was sick.

[GM]Dave Okay, so you son was fishing for you.

Botter Exactly.

[GM]Dave And why was he typing "script run ./fish"?

Botter ...

Botter He's retarded.

[GM]Dave Must be genetic.

Botter So will you give me back my levels?

[GM]Dave And why exactly would I do that?

Botter I told you I wasn't botting.

[GM]Dave Oh.

[GM]Dave You were being serious.

Botter Of course I was.

[GM]Dave I thought that was a joke.

[GM]Dave It being retarded and all.

Botter Are you saying I'm lying?!

[GM]Dave Technically, I'm implying it.

[GM]Dave There's a difference.

Botter I wasn't botting, you BASTARD!

[GM]Dave Look on the bright side.

[GM]Dave At least you didn't get eaten by a dragon.

Botter What do you mean?



*warp*



Area: Mordion Gaol



Jormungand hits Botter for 12,743 points of damage.

Botter was defeated by Jormungand.



[GM]Dave Kind of like that.

[GM]Dave Aren't you glad that didn't happen?

Botter YOU KILLED ME AGAIN!!!

[GM]Dave Player note: Player extremely observant.

Botter THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

Botter I would have prefered you to just ban me.

[GM]Dave No problem.

[GM]Dave I'm all about customer service.

Botter WAIT!

[GM]Dave Wait for what?



You tell could not be received. The player has either logged off or has had their account turned into a smouldering pile of ruin.



[GM]Dave He must have left.